Hello everyone my name is Yen, I am 31 years old, I wanted to welcome you to my blog, where I invite you to embark on a journey of healing and spiritual growth. My aim is to share my story, insights, and how much of a impact surrendering to god had on my healing process. I hope that my experience help you and offer inspiration and guidance on your own journey to healing and faith.
It all started in 2021 not sure how or what sparked that season, but I know at that point in my life I was constantly pouring into others and not myself. I am an empath so naturally I care and do for others before taking care of self, whether it’s mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m a lover so every chance I get, I will pour into others. I was currently working at the airport where I encountered hundreds of people every day. The position I was in was very stressful but rewarding. I learned so much and impacted so many lives and changed mine for the better. Aside from loving people I was also a no-nonsense type of girl, that job made me face myself and the ugliness I posed, I cried as I was physically getting drained and consumed with negativity surrounding that job. The way God works he took the situation and turned it around for my good with my 7yrs experience. I've made the most money, gained the most knowledge, but went through pain and hurt through that process. After some consideration and courage, I decided to leave the company I loved to start a new journey. Now this was in the same industry a totally different company and life altering job. I became a flight attendant. My life as a flight attendant lasted only one year. Going into this job I had such a positive spirit God definitely was in the midst when I made the decision to leave and pursue this possible career. Prior to taking this job I didn’t realize God was stripping me in 2020. My engine went out of my car and I was actually in a place where I was starting my journey of home ownership. My engine went out and forced me to purchase a vehicle while I was still making payments on a car that was no longer drivable. All my money I saved up to put towards my house I used to start paying off my vehicle and purchasing another one. When I purchased the vehicle, it came with its own problem causing me to spend more money fixing it. Before I know it, I exhausted my savings and still the vehicle wasn’t fixed. I took it to a mechanic, this particular mechanic took advantage of me, stole my money and put a bandage on the problem.
Finding this out crushed me and it hurt so badly to think people can do such a thing to a person in need. Fast forward after flight attendant training I had to sell the car because it was costing me so much to maintain. God stripped me, I was car-less but I didn’t mind because I was a flight attendant, I was barely home. Life as a flight attendant along with other things sent me into a season of deep dark depression. I was so broke, I exhausted my savings, maxed out my credit cards and was barely making any money. I was a reserved (on call) flight attendant. So, I couldn’t plan my life accordingly and couldn’t get use to the work life balance, being broke and going city to city was not a great feeling there were days I couldn’t eat so I would eat snacks off the plane just to survive the day, oh and thank God some the hotel had free breakfast for crew members. For those pilots that would sponsor dinner on our layover’s God bless their hearts they didn’t even know how badly I was starving. I was so embarrassed to ask anyone for help during this time, call it pride which I had a lot of, but I always remember a pastor once said “how can you be so prideful and not have nothing”. That was me just sinning with my mouth shut. God bless me with friendships that help me through these dark times. I am forever grateful for thoughts, prayers and even house visits. Thank you. There were days I laid up in my room and cried all day and night. I only had enough strength to take care of my son and that’s it. I didn’t want to take a bath, brush my teeth, do my hair, nothing I was broken. I had pills on the side of my bed contemplating suicide. I had no real companionship. The person I was with added to my depression and sent me deeper and darker into a pit. I couldn’t bare the thought of breathing. I wanted to end my life. That’s when I turned to the person, I know can pull me out, because I’ve seen this low and I relied on him during that time so why wouldn’t he come through in this season. That person was God. I laid all my burdens and cast all my troubles to God. When I tell you all god gave me peace instantly, I was still sad and depressed but he gave me a reason to fight through it. I started turning my phone off on my layover, reading books, listening to sermons, having praise and worship on the plane and got a prayer journal (highly recommended) for anyone that struggles with praying out loud but loves writing.
Once I started writing in my prayer journal, I saw a shift in my life. I SURRENDERED it all to God. He was now the driver of my boat. I made a decision to align my life with God plans for my life, and sought guidance and wisdom from him. With that being said I chose to quit being a flight attendant. I was constantly looking for another job the whole time I was traveling. I will never forget the day I felt deliverance from God. My parents saw how low I have gotten and decided to host a small get together for my birthday. On September 11, 2022 I invited a few friends and everyone I invited showed up despite it being a last-minute thing. On that very day I broke free and told depression you could no longer have a hold on my life. I spoke to God and told him to help guide me as I come out of this season. Two weeks later I quit being a flight attendant and found another job where I was working for Marriott hotel as a front desk ambassador. Wasn’t paying much but I took it. I started to build myself back up with God help. I slowly climbed out of my depression. I found a therapist and began therapy for healing from relationship trauma. I put in the work. Two months later God blessed me with another job. I worked both jobs for 6 months straight in tears because although I was coming out of depression, I still wasn’t happy but I had peace because God was carrying me and made sure I lacked nothing. Let me just mention that all my bills were still paid on time. But GOD!!!! So, for 6 months straight I worked, cried, rejoiced in the bathroom, cried at work for 8 hours straight because I still wasn’t happy with where I was in my life. Even though I had two jobs it wasn’t anything I can see myself doing long-term. So, I still pursued a career. I was fired from one job in April of 2023 and took a month off from the other. Once I got let go, I wasn’t even upset because I wasn’t happy there anyway, God told me not to worry he had something better. Indeed, he did that same day I got an email with a firm job offer and steps to go through the hiring process for a long-lasting career. (Shout out to my childhood best friend and her cousin for helping me get this job) I started my job on June 20th, did I mention I still have my hotel job so despite me getting fired I didn’t miss out on a check but GOD!!!!!!!! Now I stand here today at my job typing this to encourage anyone that made it through this lengthy blog that if you ever feel depressed or low in life, know that you are not alone.
God is always there; he is just waiting for you to call on him. He gave his only son to bare our sins so why not rejoice and glorify his name. He is always begging and yearning for our attention and relationship. Once I was delivered from the spirit of depression. God was healing me in the midst, restoring all that was lost. He stripped me bare so that I can only rely on him and he built me back up in his image. My heart posture changed instead of being bitter and holding on to all the life trauma I let go and let God. He did his thing and I started praying for my enemies and apologizing and lifting them up. I looked depression (devil) in the face and laughed because he thought he was going to defeat me and take me out but the way God covered me in his armor he said no weapon that formed against me shall prosper. Life can consume you and swallow you whole if you let it but just know that you have a life line. God is always readily and available and he will meet you where you are. He will get in the ring with you and fight just tag him in.
As I conclude, I want to remind you all that healing is a unique and deep personal journey, and there's no one size fit all approach. Whether you're facing depression or seeking a stronger connection with god, know that you're never alone.
Thank you for being a part of this community. Until we meet again on these pages. take care and keep your heart open to what god has for you.
Have you ever felt depressed? How did you navigate through those feelings?